Plenty has been written on how to have a great sexting conversation, including advice like reciprocate the effort with photos and videos, and don’t reply in one-word responses. But what about how to ruin a sexting conversation? The truth is that if you aren’t careful, you can start off on the wrong foot with your sexting buddy, which will either sour the whole experience or potentially end it before it begins. To help you avoid the pitfalls of sexting, below are the worst things people say when sexting.
Things you should avoid saying at the start of Sexting Conversations
- U Up?
- I Only Have Two Minutes
- Send Nudes
- What Would You Do If You Were Here Right Now?
Okay so now let’s look into these points clearly.
1. U Up?
This is a common sext, but it has a way of making the other person feel like a last resort. If it’s sent late at night, the subtext is that you struck out at the bar and are making one last attempt at getting laid tonight. Make it a little bit more personal or complimentary to avoid coming off like a jerk.
What to say instead: I know it’s late, but the thought of you is keeping me up.
2. I Only Have Two Minutes
Sexting, like many sex acts, is the most fun for both parties when it can be drawn out and enjoyed. If the person on the other end of the sext is in a hurry, the whole mood will go south almost immediately. Having to be sexy on a deadline is not erotic—it feels like a chore. There’s too much pressure to get someone off.
The best practice is not to get started unless you both have some free time on your hands. Or, remember that you can sext for days. There doesn’t have to be a set endpoint. You can send sexy things back and forth without a beginning, middle, and end to the sexting conversation. The freeform conversations are sometimes the hottest because you have time to really ramp up the anticipation.
What to say instead: I don’t have much time right now, but I’ve been thinking dirty thoughts about you all day. I’d love to hear what you’re thinking about/see what you’re wearing/watch a video of what you’ve been up to if you’re up for it, whenever you have a free moment.
3. Send Nudes
Ok, this one gets points for being direct. At least they know you are interested in sexting. But the problem is that you aren’t motivating them very much. It’s a bit lazy, to be honest. Why would the other person want to send nudes? If you can figure that out, you’re on the right track to being an excellent sexter.
What to do instead: get them so worked up they are volunteering nudes. Talk about what turns your partner on. And if you don’t know what that is, just ask.
4. What Would You Do If You Were Here Right Now?
This one is tricky because it’s a super commonly used line. It’s meant to be flirty without directly suggesting a sexual conversation, leaving the reins in the other person’s hands. Not being pushy is a good thing, but this one is too open-ended. The other person has to do too much work to come up with an interesting scenario that appeals to both of you. And you haven’t done much of the heavy lifting.
I’m also docking points because it’s so generic. There needs to be a lot of give and take when you’re sexting, and this doesn’t cut it.
What to say instead: Give the other person something to go off of. If you already know they’re interested in sexting with you, tell them what you’re doing. Tell them what you’re wearing. When they are comfortable, they will reciprocate.
General Pitfalls
The first one of the general pitfalls isn’t something you say at all; rather, it’s something you do. A lot of people send pics too quickly, especially men who are eager to escalate the conversation. This is a bad idea because if you didn’t ask for consent first, this is illegal in some states, and plus, it’s a massive turn-off if it wasn’t wanted. It also is simply unkind. Just ask first.
Next, forcefully inserting an activity (or kink or fetish) you’ve never discussed before is always a bad move. It’s the opposite of getting enthusiastic consent. And your partner won’t be fooled. There’s no way to stealthily insert the fact that you’re into high heels or BDSM without just coming out and saying it. If you ask if they’d be interested in exploring it, then you’re golden. But if you just expect that they’re up for anything, you’re probably going to be disappointed, and it’s a bit hypocritical, too. No one is up for absolutely anything in the bedroom. Everyone has boundaries, and that’s a healthy part of sexuality.
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